i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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