I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize