Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
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Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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