I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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