Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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