I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize