no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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