i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize