Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize