Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize