you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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