I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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