Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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