can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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