Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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