Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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