Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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