We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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