put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
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Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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