I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize