Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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