I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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