I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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