He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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