My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
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Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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