in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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