So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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