i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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