sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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