I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The Olympian is in my bed
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