my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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