I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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