I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize