Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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