we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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