Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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