watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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