Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
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If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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