His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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