i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize