I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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