She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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