my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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