i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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