if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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