you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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