I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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