I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
do nipples grow back?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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