I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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