alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
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there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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